In these days of ‘alternative
facts’ and ‘fake news’, I thought I’d set you all the challenge of wading
through the below headlines from our past month to see if you can detect the
truths from the lies. Answers are at the bottom – no peeking now!
1. Landrover For Sale – after many years
of loyal service and an obsession bordering on a love affair, my husband has finally
agreed that it is time for his beloved Landrover Defender to move on.
2. Leading
Beauty Editor’s Hand Cream Found In Local Agricultural Farmers’ Merchants – I
almost fell off my hay bale when I saw my heavy duty hand cream “for people who
work with their hands” showcased in the Guardian Weekend magazine’s Beauty column by Sali
Hughes.
3. Leeks A Triumph For St David’s Day – I’ve finally broken my allium duck and have
produced some fine tasting leeks the size of your forearm to grace the table
just in time for 1 March.
4. Massive
Snowfall Creates Sledging Mecca – finally we have had a good dump of snow
off the back of Doris so the kids could get out there and exhaust themselves
whizzing down our fields in their sledges.
5. Husband
Becomes Master Baker – my husband has become obsessed with cultivating his
yeast and perfecting the art of baking sourdough bread. This weekend he also cooked up an
impressive 4 inch high chicken, ham and leek pie.
6. North
Wales Voted 4th Best Place To Visit In The World – The Lonely
Planet’s Best In Travel list named North Wales in the top four spots, and it was the
only UK destination to be featured in the rankings.
7. Rare Golden Eagle Spotted In Our Field – I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I
happened across a Golden Eagle minding its own business as we froze, stock still,
and watched it eating its prey for a good few minutes before it took off.
8. Husband
Sacks Off Bushcraft To Retrain As Brickie – having decided he’s had enough
of the bushcraft mullarkey, my husband has signed himself up on a bricklaying
course in a shock change of career direction.
9. Four
Year Old Fells Tree – in a feat of strength and fabulously well
organised preparation my daughter was delighted to take down her first tree on
the land.
10. Both
Children Sleep Till 8am – in a rare and fortuitous turn of fortune both my
children slept until nearly 8am on a Sunday morning. We couldn’t believe our
luck!
1. False
– are you mad? My husband loves his Landrover more than me and would sell me
before it any day of the week. I strongly suspect he may even be buried in it,
lest it fall into someone else’s hands. Nup, never going to happen.
2. True
– no word of a lie, the same stuff that your local farmers slap on their grime
encrusted hands was there, in
print, next to the royal bloody jelly moisturiser. Wonders never cease.
 |
| The wonder stuff |
3. Total
bollocks – yet again I have failed to produce anything remotely larger than a
spring onion despite months of trying. I give up.
 |
| Dismal - (although did consider sticking some shop bought ones in the ground for this photo) |
4. Alas
no – we have yet to have snow to speak of and certainly not enough for any
decent sledging. In fact since my husband proclaimed cheerfully that this
winter had been the driest for ages in his company newsletter, it has done
nothing but piss down and blow a howling gale.
 |
| Meteorite strike in North Wales |
5. Delighted
to tell you that this is true, although I may not thank him in a few weeks’
time when none of my clothes fit me anymore.
 |
| Bread of Heaven |
 |
| Pie man |
6. Perhaps
unbelievably this is the gospel truth
– ranked ahead of places like South Australia, French Polynesia and Malaysia,
North Wales is apparently the place to be folks. Let’s just say I’d like the
chance to compare and contrast…
7. False
– with the rate and volume that my kids tear around the land you would be lucky
to spot your dog let alone some shy, secretive rare bird species. Of course
it may well have been there, dancing the fandango, but I was so busy dealing
with the latest meltdown about who had the dog’s lead first that I completely
missed it.
8. True!
Well partially. This is all part of the master plan to actually be able to
afford to undertake any of the (we now realise, astronomically expensive)
renovation projects that we have planned, although the bushcraft business will
still take first place. We just didn’t think the paying punters would take that kindly
to sleeping in rudimentary, rustic shelters made of sticks when they could
have a luxury barn expertly crafted from bricks (can anyone guess what I read
the kids for their bedtime story tonight??!).
9. True
- as part of our family bonding activities the other weekend we decided to fell
the willow tree that was growing perilously close to our sacrosanct overhead broadband
cable. And so my daughter was roped in (quite literally) to heaving the
offending bough on a long rope so it fell in the right direction, rather than
severing our lifeline to the outside world. Fear not, she was never in any
danger and this photo was staged for the blog. Now who in the world would fudge
a photo like that…?
 |
| Heave! |
10. Ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah right.
So there you have it folks, the
truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Or is it…..?
