Sunday, 26 February 2017

The whole truth

In these days of ‘alternative facts’ and ‘fake news’, I thought I’d set you all the challenge of wading through the below headlines from our past month to see if you can detect the truths from the lies. Answers are at the bottom – no peeking now!

1. Landrover For Sale – after many years of loyal service and an obsession bordering on a love affair, my husband has finally agreed that it is time for his beloved Landrover Defender to move on.

2. Leading Beauty Editor’s Hand Cream Found In Local Agricultural Farmers’ Merchants – I almost fell off my hay bale when I saw my heavy duty hand cream “for people who work with their hands” showcased in the Guardian Weekend magazine’s Beauty column by Sali Hughes.

3. Leeks A Triumph For St David’s Day – I’ve finally broken my allium duck and have produced some fine tasting leeks the size of your forearm to grace the table just in time for 1 March.

4.  Massive Snowfall Creates Sledging Mecca – finally we have had a good dump of snow off the back of Doris so the kids could get out there and exhaust themselves whizzing down our fields in their sledges.

5. Husband Becomes Master Baker – my husband has become obsessed with cultivating his yeast and perfecting the art of baking sourdough bread. This weekend he also cooked up an impressive 4 inch high chicken, ham and leek pie.

6.  North Wales Voted 4th Best Place To Visit In The World – The Lonely Planet’s Best In Travel list named North Wales in the top four spots, and it was the only UK destination to be featured in the rankings.

7.  Rare Golden Eagle Spotted In Our Field – I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I happened across a Golden Eagle minding its own business as we froze, stock still, and watched it eating its prey for a good few minutes before it took off. 

8. Husband Sacks Off Bushcraft To Retrain As Brickie – having decided he’s had enough of the bushcraft mullarkey, my husband has signed himself up on a bricklaying course in a shock change of career direction.

9. Four Year Old Fells Tree – in a feat of strength and fabulously well organised preparation my daughter was delighted to take down her first tree on the land.

10. Both Children Sleep Till 8am – in a rare and fortuitous turn of fortune both my children slept until nearly 8am on a Sunday morning. We couldn’t believe our luck!

1. False – are you mad? My husband loves his Landrover more than me and would sell me before it any day of the week. I strongly suspect he may even be buried in it, lest it fall into someone else’s hands. Nup, never going to happen.

2. True – no word of a lie, the same stuff that your local farmers slap on their grime encrusted hands was there, in print, next to the royal bloody jelly moisturiser. Wonders never cease.

The wonder stuff

3. Total bollocks – yet again I have failed to produce anything remotely larger than a spring onion despite months of trying. I give up.

Dismal - (although did consider sticking some shop bought ones in the ground for this photo)

4.  Alas no – we have yet to have snow to speak of and certainly not enough for any decent sledging. In fact since my husband proclaimed cheerfully that this winter had been the driest for ages in his company newsletter, it has done nothing but piss down and blow a howling gale.

Meteorite strike in North Wales

5. Delighted to tell you that this is true, although I may not thank him in a few weeks’ time when none of my clothes fit me anymore.

Bread of Heaven

Pie man

6.  Perhaps unbelievably this is the gospel truth – ranked ahead of places like South Australia, French Polynesia and Malaysia, North Wales is apparently the place to be folks. Let’s just say I’d like the chance to compare and contrast…

7.  False – with the rate and volume that my kids tear around the land you would be lucky to spot your dog let alone some shy, secretive rare bird species. Of course it may well have been there, dancing the fandango, but I was so busy dealing with the latest meltdown about who had the dog’s lead first that I completely missed it.

8.  True! Well partially. This is all part of the master plan to actually be able to afford to undertake any of the (we now realise, astronomically expensive) renovation projects that we have planned, although the bushcraft business will still take first place. We just didn’t think the paying punters would take that kindly to sleeping in rudimentary, rustic shelters made of sticks when they could have a luxury barn expertly crafted from bricks (can anyone guess what I read the kids for their bedtime story tonight??!).

9. True - as part of our family bonding activities the other weekend we decided to fell the willow tree that was growing perilously close to our sacrosanct overhead broadband cable. And so my daughter was roped in (quite literally) to heaving the offending bough on a long rope so it fell in the right direction, rather than severing our lifeline to the outside world. Fear not, she was never in any danger and this photo was staged for the blog. Now who in the world would fudge a photo like that…?


10. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah right. 

So there you have it folks, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Or is it…..?

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