Sunday, 14 May 2017

Curiouser and curiouser

Regular readers among you will be well aware that Google and YouTube have played no small part in our great voyage of discovery into this rural living lark. This week however, I think we have even managed to bamboozle Google with questions that seem to get more random by the day. Here is just a small selection of this week’s highlights…

SEARCH: How do you stop geese from jumping on your trampoline?

[Honestly, it is like the bloody John Lewis advert out there every morning, with our three new feathered friends leaping around on the kids’ trampoline, when they could have the run of 20 acres of lush green fields and a beautiful infinity pond (complete with landscaped garden and relaxation space). Why, just why? Another shit shoveling duty to now add to my ever growing list….]

Our dismal attempt at a goose deterrent

SEARCH: How do you remove a wheel from a tedder?

[In a bid to raise some funds to finance our ever more elaborate projects we have started to auction off random bits of equipment which have been lying about the place since we moved in. One such item was the tedder – a piece of equipment used to get the cut grass into a line ready for baling (so I am told – and no, Google was none the wiser either.) After three days of scouring videos on the internet to find out how to remove the wheel underneath to fix it, my Dad rocked up and got it off in less than a minute. Perhaps proving the adage that digital is no match for good old fashioned hands-on experience.]

WTF is that?! 

SEARCH: Where can I find a matching pew from Salem chapel in Porthmadog?

[We have managed to lay our hands on some rather lovely old church pews from a Welsh chapel down the road. They will look bonzer in the new kitchen. Except they don’t quite fit. And you try getting your hands on a matching-opposite-corner-type one from this specific style used in North Wales circa 1870. Gold dust I tell you!]

Any ideas where we can find the rest of this?

SEARCH: Is there a Rightmove for bees?

[Nearly 7 years after receiving it as a wedding present, we have finally set up our bee hive. Not having a clue what we are doing and not willing to fork out to buy any bees, we’re hedging our bets on a passing swarm just passing by and taking up residence in it. We've gone all Farrow and Ball shades, lots of fresh flowers and location, location, location. Fingers crossed it does the trick...]

Deceptively spacious, characterful beehive, no chain

SEARCH: Can chicks smell?

[Every morning after I’ve been out for a blast of fresh air with the dog I go and say hello to the chicks who come peep-peeping towards me and then recoil in horror as they get close to me in my sweaty running kit. Either they have a super sense of smell or I pong a bit more than I think!]

SEARCH: What won’t a pig eat?

[0 of 0 results. We’ve all seen the Italian gangster movies. Nuff said. Let’s just say you don’t want to be slipping over and breaking anything while you’re in their pen.]

FEED ME! I'd have you! And anything else for that matter...

SEARCH: Do pigs have milk teeth?

[A bit disconcertingly, we keep finding teeth in the pig’s water trough. They are either subcontracting to the local Tafia (Welsh branch of the Mafia) – see above - or they are losing their own. Considering making a necklace, Crocodile Dundee style….]

So all in all a bit scary how reliant we have become on Google and how lost we feel when it turns out the internet is not always so up on random bits of old farm machinery and animal husbandry. This is the kind of information that is passed down generations by word-of-mouth and hands-on learning. And as good a reminder as any to sometimes put down your phone and the iPad, roll up your sleeves and work it out for yourself!

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